Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My little princess in her cute little shamrock outfit!

Today was kind of an "ehhh" day. It's the two year anniversary of my Uncle Paul's passing. He passed away from a stoke. He was also my Godfather. I've never met anyone as nice as him in my life. A few years ago (maybe like 4-5) he had a very bad stroke. It caused him to become very slow and sick. He has such a good life in Colorado, before his stroke. He was married with two step children. He loved those kids like they were his own. Then his first stroke happened. His "wife" became very mean to him and very cruel. It wasn't true love. She wanted his money. She treated him like shit. He did everything for his "family". No one appreciated it, not even the kids. He treated them like his own. Gave them everything they ever wanted. That wasn't good enough. The money stopped coming in once he became sick due to him not being able to work anymore. Finally it became too much and my dad flew him out to NH to live with us. His bitch of a wife filed for divorce, all because he was sick and there wasn't the "big" income coming in anymore. She was cheating on him anyways. She was a horrible person. Never talked to him unless it was about money. She wouldn't even let him get his stuff when my dad and him took a very long trip to Colorado with a moving truck to get his stuff. She let him take the bare minimum, when he had so much.

Anyways, he moved in with us and lived with us for a couple years. Then two years ago he had another stoke and it made him even more sick. He eventually passed away on St. Patrick's day.

I remember that day like it was yesterday....but let me back up a few days. 

I went and saw him in the hospital almost everyday he was there. I believe (if I remember right) he was there for about a week. He was in ICU, my whole family was there saying prayers for him. Begging him to just snap out of it. But he never did. He eventually was moved to a regular room, to pass away. There was nothing anyone could do anymore. Nothing would've kept him alive. I remember the last day I saw him. He was laying in his hospital bed, shivering, not awake, not knowing what was going on, helpless. It broke my heart knowing he wasn't going to be with us any longer. Knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. I remember my cousin Lauren was in the room with me. It was just her and I. We both broke down and cried. All we did was cry. We finally had to just say good bye and leave the room. We were both really, really close to him.

I was in the hospital for severe stomach pains. The same hospital he was in. I was in the ER. He was up in his room. I remember my dad coming down to the ER room I was in. He told me that my Uncle had passed away. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have heard in a very, very long time. I think he was the first person I actually cried over who passed away in my family. I usually don't get emotionally when family passes away. I think that's because I was never really close (or to young) to the people who have passed away in our family. Uncle Paul's passing was really hard to handle. I was so upset. My mom was so upset. My Nana had the hardest time with it. I was so sad to see her sad. She was all out of sorts and very depressed. I don't blame her. She had already lost one son, now another.

His wake and funeral was beautiful. I remember my baby cousin Kayla, at the time she was I believe 2, telling every one to "shhhh, uncle's sleeping". It made every single person there cry. She had no clue what was going on. She thought Uncle Paul was "sleeping". When in reality, he passed away. Saying good bye was very hard. I cried almost the whole time. I was close with him. I wish I had spent more time with him when he lived with us. I regret not spending as much time with him as I should've. I think about him all the time. I pray every night and tell him I love and miss him....

I'm getting teary eyed. I need to take a break from righting.

God gained an angel. A perfect angel. He is in a much better place right now. He has no pain, no hurt and he's happy. God wanted him for something. I don't know what that something is, but God wanted him in heaven. I shouldn't be sad about him passing and dwell on how I should've spent more time with him. I should think of all the funny things he use to do, his laugh, his jokes, his smile, his kindness, everything good about him I should be thinking of. I shouldn't be sad because I know one day I will be meeting him again. I will give him a huge hug in heaven.

Uncle Paul. He loved (and still does) music. This was at one of the music gigs my dad and him always went too. He loved to jam out to music and sing. He had such a beautiful voice. I miss him, a lot. Rest easy <3