Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Blah!.....

It's been about a week since I've blogged.
I was back in the hospital this past week. This stomach issue is getting to be to much. Once again, no answers. It's so frustrating! I just want to know what's wrong. Every doctor or specialist I see do the same thing, put me on pain medicine, liquid diet and then send me home after a week. No tests are done, no further action as to find out what's wrong. Nothing. I'm getting really sick of this. Obviously something is really wrong but no one has the brains to figure out what it is. I throw up everything, including just pure water. I am doubled over in sever pain that starts right below my breast bone, radiates to my back and all over my stomach. I'm usually screaming and crying in pain & all any doctor has ever done was put me on an IV with two morphine shots (yep, that's how bad the pain is) every 4 hours. I want answers. I'm starting to really hate every doctor I come into contact with.

Chloe turned TEN months old yesterday. I took my little lady on a nice shopping spree at Carter's. She's growing up so fast. It's very interesting and fun to watch someone grow up right before your eyes. She's also the spitting image of me. I was adopted, so I have no one in my family who looks like me. I do look exactly like my birth mom though. I found her a few months ago and we exchanged pictures. I found my birth dad too, all I have are his eyes & blonde hair. My birth mom's a red head. I'm not sure if I look like any of my 9 siblings. They're all over the US and I know nothing about any of them. But anyways....
Chloe is growing up way to fast. Next thing she'll be doing is asking me for the car keys to go out with friends.

Raymond and I are almost 100% done with all this wedding junk. We don't really have much left to do. We're hand making candles for one of our reception favors, I think were doing that next week. We need to do the seating & table chart for the reception. Finalize our food with the venue. Pay the last remaining balance (which is very small) on our cake. Finalize the music list with the DJ. Meet with the pastor who's marrying us. Get our wedding license. Purchase the gifts for the wedding party. My hair extensions are being done in a couple weeks. I'm going for one more dress fitting on April 27th. I need to do my test runs on my hair and makeup. & I think all that's left is the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. I don't think I forgot anything.
We have 39 days to do all of this. Time is flying by! I wanna see you try planning a weeding in less then 6 months. It's stressful!

Well, I'm done blogging for now. I'll have more interesting things to talk about later. As for now, I'm going to make my little lady some breakfast.

Tootles!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Happy St. Patrick's Day!



My little princess in her cute little shamrock outfit!



Today was kind of an "ehhh" day. It's the two year anniversary of my Uncle Paul's passing. He passed away from a stoke. He was also my Godfather. I've never met anyone as nice as him in my life. A few years ago (maybe like 4-5) he had a very bad stroke. It caused him to become very slow and sick. He has such a good life in Colorado, before his stroke. He was married with two step children. He loved those kids like they were his own. Then his first stroke happened. His "wife" became very mean to him and very cruel. It wasn't true love. She wanted his money. She treated him like shit. He did everything for his "family". No one appreciated it, not even the kids. He treated them like his own. Gave them everything they ever wanted. That wasn't good enough. The money stopped coming in once he became sick due to him not being able to work anymore. Finally it became too much and my dad flew him out to NH to live with us. His bitch of a wife filed for divorce, all because he was sick and there wasn't the "big" income coming in anymore. She was cheating on him anyways. She was a horrible person. Never talked to him unless it was about money. She wouldn't even let him get his stuff when my dad and him took a very long trip to Colorado with a moving truck to get his stuff. She let him take the bare minimum, when he had so much.
Anyways, he moved in with us and lived with us for a couple years. Then two years ago he had another stoke and it made him even more sick. He eventually passed away on St. Patrick's day.
I remember that day like it was yesterday....but let me back up a few days. 
I went and saw him in the hospital almost everyday he was there. I believe (if I remember right) he was there for about a week. He was in ICU, my whole family was there saying prayers for him. Begging him to just snap out of it. But he never did. He eventually was moved to a regular room, to pass away. There was nothing anyone could do anymore. Nothing would've kept him alive. I remember the last day I saw him. He was laying in his hospital bed, shivering, not awake, not knowing what was going on, helpless. It broke my heart knowing he wasn't going to be with us any longer. Knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. I remember my cousin Lauren was in the room with me. It was just her and I. We both broke down and cried. All we did was cry. We finally had to just say good bye and leave the room. We were both really, really close to him.
I was in the hospital for severe stomach pains. The same hospital he was in. I was in the ER. He was up in his room. I remember my dad coming down to the ER room I was in. He told me that my Uncle had passed away. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have heard in a very, very long time. I think he was the first person I actually cried over who passed away in my family. I usually don't get emotionally when family passes away. I think that's because I was never really close (or to young) to the people who have passed away in our family. Uncle Paul's passing was really hard to handle. I was so upset. My mom was so upset. My Nana had the hardest time with it. I was so sad to see her sad. She was all out of sorts and very depressed. I don't blame her. She had already lost one son, now another.
His wake and funeral was beautiful. I remember my baby cousin Kayla, at the time she was I believe 2, telling every one to "shhhh, uncle's sleeping". It made every single person there cry. She had no clue what was going on. She thought Uncle Paul was "sleeping". When in reality, he passed away. Saying good bye was very hard. I cried almost the whole time. I was close with him. I wish I had spent more time with him when he lived with us. I regret not spending as much time with him as I should've. I think about him all the time. I pray every night and tell him I love and miss him....
I'm getting teary eyed. I need to take a break from righting.

God gained an angel. A perfect angel. He is in a much better place right now. He has no pain, no hurt and he's happy. God wanted him for something. I don't know what that something is, but God wanted him in heaven. I shouldn't be sad about him passing and dwell on how I should've spent more time with him. I should think of all the funny things he use to do, his laugh, his jokes, his smile, his kindness, everything good about him I should be thinking of. I shouldn't be sad because I know one day I will be meeting him again. I will give him a huge hug in heaven.


Uncle Paul. He loved (and still does) music. This was at one of the music gigs my dad and him always went too. He loved to jam out to music and sing. He had such a beautiful voice. I miss him, a lot. Rest easy <3

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Beauty School Drop-out.....

is NOT what I'll ever be!


I friken LOVE my school. Cosmetology is the best industry I could go into. I'm so happy with my career choice. The people I go to school with are just like me. I love my little cosmo family. All the girls in my class are like my sisters. They're all coming to my wedding and I'm super excited for that! 
People think that being a cosmetologist is so easy. It's really not. There is so much you need to know in order to pass your classes and be good at what you do. We incorporate math, science, chemistry, language and a few other subjects into our work. I believe it's one of the hardest but fun things I've ever done. I'm super proud of myself and I've never gotten below an 85 on anything I've done (& I've only gotten ONE 85 and that was on a test I never studied for). I'm putting my heart into this because in order to be successful in this industry you need to love what you do. If your heart isn't into it, then it's not the right place for you. I love making people look good and feel beautiful about themselves. I am going to be somebody in this industry, weather it takes 5, 10 or even 20 years of my life to do. I would love, love, love to be a platform artist for Paul Mitchell or be a hairstylist for fashion shows. I'm in love with everything I've done in school & out of school. I will make it and I will make my parents proud. I will own a high end salon one day. I will travel and branch out into other states. I promise you that. I will not stop and no one will stop me. I'm going to make something out of my life. I'm welcoming every single door to open and every single opportunity that comes my way. I'm proud of the work I've done so far. I will not stop my education, ever. I believe that even once you're out there in a salon you can always, and I mean always, open your mind to other techniques and learn much more then you already do. I will be taking advanced classes, often. I know I'll be making mistakes along the way (hell, I already have) but there is always so much room for growing. I'm very excited to see where this road leads me and where I end up in this industry. I love everything I do and this has been a passion of mine since I was a young girl. I'm finally fulfilling my dream (with some tweaks to the goals I had when I was younger) of being a cosmetologist.
I'm also thinking of going to nail tech school and maybe even esthetician school. I do know that I will be going to school for business so I can have the knowledge for owning my own salon and how to run a successful business. I had to change up my goals because I did have a baby at such a young age. I wanted to travel and work for a while, then start a family. But things have changed and that's okay with me. Change is always good. The road I'm traveling will take me somewhere. That somewhere could be anywhere. I know there will be bumps and maybe some forks in the road, but I will over come everything that is in my way (good or bad). I know I will. Life throws you curve balls sometimes and you need to just get threw them. 
I'm very happy where I am in life right now. Nothing and no one will get in my way or stop me from my goals. I want to make my daughter proud & I know I will.


<3



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

What a beautiful day!

It's such a nice day today. 79 degrees in Arizona today :)
Chloe and I went for a nice long walk to Starbucks. She loves going on walks and being outside. We sat outside for a while and enjoyed the weather. She was getting a kick out of the beastly dog that was sitting at the table next to us. I was going to take her to the park to swing and play in the sand, but she started falling asleep on our way back home. She's passed out in her little rocker.

Buddy and I went to the dog park this morning. He loves the dog park. I am so glad we live right across the street from it. He makes new doggie friends all the time. Bruiser isn't old enough or big enough to even go outside. His little collar doesn't even fit him. So maybe in a few months I'll be able to take him to the dog park.

I can't believe that in 53 days I'll be a married woman. I'm so excited to become Mrs. McSorley. Time is flying by. Thank God that everything is all planned and I have nothing else to really worry about. The only things I have left on my list of things to do is get my hair extensions, shoes, nails done, shopping for the cruise and that's about it. My girlfriend from school is a pro makeup artist so she's going to be doing my makeup & the girls makeup. She does such an awesome job. I'm still debating on if I want to change up my hair color or not. Right now it's a redish brown with some black through it. Some of the girls from school want me to go back to blonde. I have like a week to decide what I'm going to do since I need to order my extensions. On March 25th I'll be going to my first dress fitting. I can't wait to see my dress again. It's perfect. Chloe is going to be my little flower girl. Her dress is so adorable. Ray's little brother, Connor is going to be our ring barer. I can't wait to see what our cake is going to come out to be. When we went to our cake appointment we tried over 20 different flavors of cakes and we designed it all ourselves. Were getting our cake from one of the top cake bakeries in AZ. My dads friend/co-worker is a pro photographer so he's going to be doing our pictures as a gift. My dad was picking out his song for the father daughter dance and he found the perfect one. Father and Daughter by Paul Simon. He was crying once he played it for me. My daddy is sad his little girl is growing up and getting married. He knows Raymond is perfect for me and he treats me so good. He knows Chloe and I are in good hands.

There is 61 days until our cruise! I'm super excited. My future in-laws booked us a cruise to Mexico for a week. They're also coming along with us. My parents are going to watch Chloe for that week. I told them they're more then welcome to come with us, but they said they'll stay home. I'll miss them and Chloe. But a vacation is much needed!

My dad, Ray, mom & myself are all thinking and talking about taking a trip back home to NH sometime in the Summer. I'm SUPER friken excited, to even think we may be going back home. My dad's thinking of possibly getting a beach house for a week or two. We're still throwing ideas around. Ray's never been to the east coast so he's pretty excited we might be going. I told him I'll be showing him around, everywhere! I miss everything and everyone back home. Especially my Nana. She's unable to travel and come to our wedding, so I'm pretty bummed about that and really want to see her. I miss the beach, trees, rain, non crazy drivers, everyone I know, my family, everything. Don't get me wrong, I love Arizona but if I ever have the chance to move back to NH, Id do it in a heartbeat. I really would. I miss it. I really do. Arizona is just not the same. It's like a whole different world here.


Anyways, I should go tend to my offspring. She sounds like she's getting into stuff in her bedroom. Uht-oh, she's probably making a mess.

Till next time, bloggers.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Monday, Funday!

I HAVE A NEW PUPPY!
His name is Bruiser. He's a pugapoo! Pug mixed with a mini poodle. He's super tiny and so friken cute! He's 6 weeks old and all of only a whooping ONE pound! I'm so in love with him. Chloe thinks he is the funniest thing ever. Every time I put Bruiser in her lap she cracks up so hard. She loves him. He's such a sweet puppy. Buddy is still trying to figure out what he is. He's not sure what to make of Bruiser. I made Chloe's pack and play into his new bed! He's loving life in his new crib. Literally, hehe. My mom was so against having another puppy (since we've only had Buddy for only about a month) but once she saw Bruiser she fell in love.






So I've been in cosmetology school since the beginning of last September. I'm doing night classes so I can be a stay at home mom during the day to Chloe. My estimated date of graduation is sometime early 2013 (depending on how much school I miss and don't miss). I'm debating on switching to day classes, then I'll be graduated in November of this year. I know that it's a difference of only a few months, but I really want to finish cosmo school and go straight to school for my business degree. I have a 5 year goal, to be graduated cosmo school and be done with business school and in the process of opening up my own salon....with in the next 5 years. I know I can do it. It's just going to take time and a nice loan from the bank.

Ahhh shit, time for school.

To be continued.....

Friday, March 9, 2012

It's one of those days...

Yep! It is. It's one of those days. The tittle of this says it all.

My child is a daemon today. All she wants is me. I can't put her down with out her screaming "MAMA". Anyone want her? I'll be taking the highest bid. She will come with her diaper bag (stocked full with diapers and wipes), food, toys, her sleeper, clothes and her crankiness. You can return her when she's happy. Just kidding!
I do need a break though. Ray is trying to calm her down...but that's not happening. Maybe she'll be a little more calm later tonight when we go to Ray's moms. She needs our company. Yesterday she woke up with like a numbing pain (I guess you would call it) and she couldn't move her arm and back (I believe). She went to the hospital and is on meds for it, so we're going to go over her house and help her out by mowing the lawn, help tidy up and having dinner with her. We were going to go on our usual double date night with our good friends Josh & Dominique, but his mom needs us to be with her tonight.

Today's been pretty boring. Nothing new, really. So this post will probably be the same, boring!

We woke up (at a decent time, 8:30!), I changed a diaper, we had breakfast, Ray took Buddy to the dog park, Ray folded laundry, Chloe and I played, we took my devil mother to the casino, we went to lunch, I bitched at some drivers on the way home since they don't know how to drive, I changed another diaper, we went back to the dog park, and now were home relaxing.
Fun day, huh!? Not really. We usally do go out "as a family" on days where we both are off (him from work me from cosmo school). Today was kind of a lazy day.

Ray's now lowering the beast's crib. She learned how to stand in in and that's a no no. She climbs and stands on everything and anything she can. I swear she's exactly like me when I was a baby. I think she's a daredevil, or tries to be one.

Anyways,
Were going to go look a cute little Maltese puppy later tonight. He's 6 months old and is SUPER cute!! Raymond has Buddy and now I want a little friend. Buddy is more of Ray's dog. I was excited about him at first, but he leans towards Ray more for playing, walking and everything else. So I want a puppy Chloe and I can take care of. Especially a small one, so Chloe can grow up with it and learn responsibility. I'm hoping we get to take the little guy home with us! If not, we'll keep looking.

Until next time, folks :)

The Beast.....

So I figured since I haven't posted about Chloe in a long time I'll make this post all about her. 
As you can probably figure out from my other post's, her dad & I are no longer together. To put it bluntly, he's a doucher, jail-bird, crackhead, alcoholic, drug dealer and anything else you want to call him. I'll give you free rain to fill in the blank, be creative about it too! So I chose not to have him in her life. The best thing I have ever done for her was moving to Arizona to get away from his crazy ass. She has a father figure now & it's Ray. He's been there since she was about 5 weeks old. He's awesome with her. They love each other and I'm so grateful for him to be in her life. He's an awesome dad, even though he's not her dad.
Anyways, my little beast is now 9 months old. She is growing so fast and doing so much. Chloe loves to follow me around the house, play with her toys, swing at the park, ride on her baby train, pull the dogs tail, eat paper....well you get it, she's a baby. She loves everything. I swear I need to invest in a cage for her, maybe that'll keep her out of getting into everything and anything. Just kidding, just kidding! Chloe can say a few words now, Mama, Dada, Hi & she tries to say bye (epic fail when she does). She actually had to wear a helmet for a few months due to plagiocephaly, brachycephaly & torticollis. If you don't know what they are, Google is a great invention so make use of it and look them up. To sum it all up, she's an awesome and happy baby. I love her to death and she is literally a mini me. I know I'm young but I wouldn't change her for the world, she's perfect in every single way.


Okay now on to the pictures....
Just warning you, she doesn't like the mamarazzi who stalks her all day and takes hundreds (not lying, really hundreds) of pictures, so this may be picture over kill. But oh well, who doesn't like showing off their child to the world!?


Fresh out of the womb!

One day old!

3 days old!

One month!

One month!

Two months!

3 months!

4 months!

5 months!

6 months!

6 months!

6 months!
Thanksgiving!

7 months!

7 months!

7 months!

7 months!

7 months!
Christmas Day

8 months!

8 months!

8 months!

9 months!
Someone was crabby

9 months!

9 months!

9 months!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Wedding!

So let me start off by saying, I love my soon to be hubby to death! I really do. He's an awesome man who loves my daughter and treats us right. Thats all you can ask for, right!?
Well what I don't love is some of his family. No one on his moms side (I actually love and get along with all of them), just his dads. They're all douche bags (the ones I don't like). Hey, my blog, I can speak my mind. You don't like it, tough! See the big red X at the right top of the page....click it & be gone.


So a couple few days ago (okay, when ever the hell it was) I posted something on my facebook about wearing jeans to a wedding. It's trashy, I'm not a hillbilly, it's not a backyard wedding, laddy dee laddy dah. Well, his big mouth cousins (who I didn't really like from the beginning, but I guess since we are going to be "family" I have to like them) started posting on my update. I didn't mind it at first, people have their opinions so they can say what they please. I don't mind that. BUT once we get into the smart ass remarks and how "well people said my wedding was beautiful and everyone came in jeans and t-shirts" "so are you going to buy us a nice outfit to wear then" type comments, then the bitch in me came out. & posting pictures with captions like "oh I love my family wearing jeans to my wedding" (or something like that) Like really!? Have respect people & stop being rude.....the bridezilla is about to burst out of me! It's a wedding, not a trashy carnival. Even though my invite says nothing about "formal" attire common sense says "dress half decent". That was a short verson of what I had to say, I just needed to vent. If it doesn't make sense to you, I'm sorry....it does to me.
Let's just say, the ones who did reply and say they are coming, are being uninvited :)
Bitch move, eh, who cares. It's my wedding. Less money to be spent. Ray can be the one who can uninvited them...hehehe.




But any ways....
I'm very excited that May 5th is right around the corner! We're getting married on my parents anniversary, his parents anniversary & my nana's birthday. Weird, right!? We have mostly everything we need. Flowers, cake, dress, tux, bridesmaid dresses, the groomsmen tux's, everything besides our marriage license. 
Our honey moon isn't going to be right away, it's actually going to be the week after (or two?) were going on a cruise may 14-18. I can't wait!


My little beast is crying. I'll blog tomorrow. See ya bloggers :)

KONY 2012

This really touched me. If you come across my blog, please spend 29 minutes of your time watching this. Share it. All you need to do is click one button. Post it on your blog, facebook, twitter anything you have.



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Getting back into blogging!

I've decided that I may make this blog a little more personal then I wanted. More like a diary type thing.


It's been a very long time since I've posted. There's a ton of updates, new stories to tell. I guess I'll just start with the most recent. I've been thinking a lot & I've been wanting to just jot down my thoughts, but I never get to it. Especially with a 9 month old who crawls everywhere & doesn't believe in nap time.


I was recently hospitalized with sever stomach pains. Which I've gotten ever since I was a baby. No doctor could figure out what was wrong with me. Tests have been done and, nothing. No results. So finally, this past time I was hospitalized I had a endoscopy and colonoscopy done. I have a very high chance of having Crohn's disease and Celiac disease. I was put on a very strict diet. No dairy, salt, minimal sugar, gluten free diet. This is going to be hard.

I found my birth mother. Lets just say, she's a nut job. I'm one of TEN, yes TEN siblings. Most of them are actually from rapes, insest, or prostitution. GROOOOOSSSSS! Anyways...
I found this lovely woman on a sex offenders website. She molested and raped my soon to be 18 year old sister. I do know names and ages, but I'm not going to post them on my blog due to how I'm not even allowed to know about them (says the adoption agency). My "father" is one of two very nasty, mean men. Potential "father" one, is a murderer who decapitated a 14 year old boy (AND I WAS THERE TO WITNESS THIS!!!!!). Potential "father" two, is a lovely man who is a sex offender, woman beater and serial rapist. My "grandfather" (mothers dad) is currently in jail for raping and molesting mostly all my siblings, fathering my second oldest sister and murdering two black men in a drug deal gone bad. My "grandmother" died from an unknown cause. I am a tad bit suspicious on this one. But what ever. My mother is involved in two very brutal, nasty murders. One of which happened to a little old lady. This lady was actually the one who turned ME into child protective services when I was a baby due to my mother whoring her self around and abandoning me. I had 21 fractures ribs, fractured shoulder blade, and severe issues with my legs and arms. Lovely, huh? I found my birthmothers phone number and called her at 10:30 PM about a month ago. We talked for about an hour....then I was done! Her "husband" is a priest who is also a sex offender....LOVELY! He actually never knew she had kids or basically any thing about her. Come to find out, she was married 6 times and she has never been "legally" divorced. Boligamy at it's finest :D
She did e-mail me pictures and I have to say, I kind of look like her. But you can obviously tell the years have taken a toll on her. She's only 42 years old.


I'm getting married! May 5th of this year will change my life forever. I'll be a married woman :D
I'll post all about this in a totally different post. But I will let you know, my fiances name is Raymond. He's the sweetest guy ever. AND my parents love him. HA, that's literally a first. They hated every single guy I've been with. He's actually not a druggie, drug dealer, jail bird, nothing like any guy I've been with. Surprised? I am too :D
& the best part, he loves Chloe! He's her father figure since she doesn't see her dad and him and I no longer speak.

I'm just trying to hurry on up and type since Chloe will most likely be up soon. I swear this child knows when I'm doing something and only takes very very short naps, if that! I'm going to try and blog on a daily basis. I want to keep my blog updated on things that are going on and post tons of pictures of my little cutie. Oh, I forgot to mention....I've been in cosmetology school for about 6 months now. I love it! I can't wait to graduate and start my cosmetology career. Charlie is no longer a member of our family anymore. He's been so aggressive we had to let him go. His new owner actually texted me yesterday and let me know that animal control will be putting him down due to Charlie attacking him. It's sad, but he'll be in doggie heaven. Raymond and I have a new puppy....well horse if you see his size. We've had him for about 3 weeks. He loves Chloe and he's a big teddy bear. He's a 53 pound 10 month old beast. I love him though. His name is Buddy!

Well, I have to go. Chloe is probably going to be up soon!
I'll blog tomorrow :D