Laptop Problems!....

Wondering where I've been? Well my laptop took a nice long shit for a few weeks.
I'm super sick of my laptop crashing and having tons of problems. It's a pain in my ass! I finally had the major heat problem fixed with it and hopefully (crossing my fingers) nothing else goes wrong with it.

Chloe is doing fantastic! She's growing like a little weed, talking up a storm and going to walk all by herself any day now. Just an update on some of the words she says (at 10 months old): Mama, Dada, Nana, Papa, Poop, Dog, Hi, Bye, No & Ya. I've probably missed a few. She knows animal sounds too, thanks to my Dad teaching them to her! You say "What does the cow say?" and she'll go "Moooo". Her favorite is the sheep, she'll go "ahhhhhhhhh" instead of "bahhhh". She's too funny. Chloe also knows how to whisper now. You say "Chloe, lets whisper" (in a whisper tone) and she'll make all her noises in a whisper until she notices you talking regularly. She has been off baby food and 100% on "big girl" food. Except her morning and night time bub's with her formula. The rest of the day is what ever I eat and water or VERY watered down apple juice. Some of her favorite foods are: banana, toast with grape jelly, eggs, potatoes, PICKLES (she's obsessed!!!!!!!), tomatoes, hamburger, chicken (grilled or a tad spicy), cheerios, pasta with a light sauce or pesto. The list goes on and on. Her pedi said it's 1000000% fine for her to eat anything and everything (besides nuts) she wants. She is an awesome eater!
Earlier (well right before I decided to post when I came home from school) I was looking at all of Chloe's baby, baby pictures. She was so tiny. I miss her being 5 pounds. My little lady is going to be one in a little over a month. Where has the time gone!? I miss her being super small, but I love how she's growing and learning so much. Her first birthday is already all planned out! I have Saturday the 26th of May (her birthday!!!!!) off from school since it's an "in service day" so we're going to spend the day at the zoo! She loves animals, especially all the goats and ones you can pet and interact with in the little kids petting zoo area. I know she'll enjoy it. Every time we go to the zoo (which is a lot since we get free passes from the library, saving us 60 bucks each time we want to go) she has a blast. She's always so wide eyed and smiling. She's a very alert and curious little girl. She stays very focused and interested in a lot of stuff. Which is surprising to me since she's only 10 months old. She is very, very smart and a very fast learner. I can't wait to get her into preschool so she can learn more and have little friends.
We've been going to the pool a lot lately and she found out (the first time she's been swimming since she was about 3/4 months old) that if she kicks her legs a certain way, her boat float will move her around the pool. She's very independent and loves figuring things out on her own. If I try to hep her or show her how to play with a toy or do something, she gets mad at me. I love watching her play and "talk" to her toys. She's in her own little world chit chatting with her blocks or anything for that matter that she's playing with. When we go to the park she loves exploring and crawling around in the sand. She figured out how to climb onto and up the slide. It's very funny to watch. More and more, she's becoming the spitting image and way I was as a child. Even though I was very behind as a baby due to all my mental and physical abuse, my parents keep saying Chloe is the exact same way I was at around 11-12 months old. She's also is IDENTICAL to me as a baby! I don't have many baby pictures of myself (well a couple I stole out of my parents file cabinet when I was searching for my birth mom and dad). I have a couple of me as a newborn then the rest of my pictures are from about 10 months old (maybe 11) and up. Chloe is identical to me. Especially the newborn pictures. She looked Mexican and so did I. I can't wait to see her grow up. I love my smart little lady.

Ray and I have been getting ready and finishing up last minuet things for the wedding. TWO weeks. AHHHHH! Time is going by so fast.

Oh crap, it's midnight. I'm going to hit the hay. We have a lot to do in the morning. We're getting our marriage license and meeting with our wedding coordinator so we can go over final details and give her a check for our venue.

I'm going to try to blog tomorrow. I have a lot to say, get off my chest, venting, bitching, yelling, happy thoughts and updates to type up! If I don't blog tomorrow, I will for sure Saturday once I'm out of school. Ah, shit, maybe not until late Saturday night. I get out of school at one and have my wedding shower at four. So I guess I'll be blogging when I get some free time. These next few weeks are going to be very busy!

Nighty night bloggers!

Blah!.....

It's been about a week since I've blogged.
I was back in the hospital this past week. This stomach issue is getting to be to much. Once again, no answers. It's so frustrating! I just want to know what's wrong. Every doctor or specialist I see do the same thing, put me on pain medicine, liquid diet and then send me home after a week. No tests are done, no further action as to find out what's wrong. Nothing. I'm getting really sick of this. Obviously something is really wrong but no one has the brains to figure out what it is. I throw up everything, including just pure water. I am doubled over in sever pain that starts right below my breast bone, radiates to my back and all over my stomach. I'm usually screaming and crying in pain & all any doctor has ever done was put me on an IV with two morphine shots (yep, that's how bad the pain is) every 4 hours. I want answers. I'm starting to really hate every doctor I come into contact with.

Chloe turned TEN months old yesterday. I took my little lady on a nice shopping spree at Carter's. She's growing up so fast. It's very interesting and fun to watch someone grow up right before your eyes. She's also the spitting image of me. I was adopted, so I have no one in my family who looks like me. I do look exactly like my birth mom though. I found her a few months ago and we exchanged pictures. I found my birth dad too, all I have are his eyes & blonde hair. My birth mom's a red head. I'm not sure if I look like any of my 9 siblings. They're all over the US and I know nothing about any of them. But anyways....
Chloe is growing up way to fast. Next thing she'll be doing is asking me for the car keys to go out with friends.

Raymond and I are almost 100% done with all this wedding junk. We don't really have much left to do. We're hand making candles for one of our reception favors, I think were doing that next week. We need to do the seating & table chart for the reception. Finalize our food with the venue. Pay the last remaining balance (which is very small) on our cake. Finalize the music list with the DJ. Meet with the pastor who's marrying us. Get our wedding license. Purchase the gifts for the wedding party. My hair extensions are being done in a couple weeks. I'm going for one more dress fitting on April 27th. I need to do my test runs on my hair and makeup. & I think all that's left is the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. I don't think I forgot anything.
We have 39 days to do all of this. Time is flying by! I wanna see you try planning a weeding in less then 6 months. It's stressful!

Well, I'm done blogging for now. I'll have more interesting things to talk about later. As for now, I'm going to make my little lady some breakfast.

Tootles!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

My little princess in her cute little shamrock outfit!

Today was kind of an "ehhh" day. It's the two year anniversary of my Uncle Paul's passing. He passed away from a stoke. He was also my Godfather. I've never met anyone as nice as him in my life. A few years ago (maybe like 4-5) he had a very bad stroke. It caused him to become very slow and sick. He has such a good life in Colorado, before his stroke. He was married with two step children. He loved those kids like they were his own. Then his first stroke happened. His "wife" became very mean to him and very cruel. It wasn't true love. She wanted his money. She treated him like shit. He did everything for his "family". No one appreciated it, not even the kids. He treated them like his own. Gave them everything they ever wanted. That wasn't good enough. The money stopped coming in once he became sick due to him not being able to work anymore. Finally it became too much and my dad flew him out to NH to live with us. His bitch of a wife filed for divorce, all because he was sick and there wasn't the "big" income coming in anymore. She was cheating on him anyways. She was a horrible person. Never talked to him unless it was about money. She wouldn't even let him get his stuff when my dad and him took a very long trip to Colorado with a moving truck to get his stuff. She let him take the bare minimum, when he had so much.

Anyways, he moved in with us and lived with us for a couple years. Then two years ago he had another stoke and it made him even more sick. He eventually passed away on St. Patrick's day.

I remember that day like it was yesterday....but let me back up a few days. 

I went and saw him in the hospital almost everyday he was there. I believe (if I remember right) he was there for about a week. He was in ICU, my whole family was there saying prayers for him. Begging him to just snap out of it. But he never did. He eventually was moved to a regular room, to pass away. There was nothing anyone could do anymore. Nothing would've kept him alive. I remember the last day I saw him. He was laying in his hospital bed, shivering, not awake, not knowing what was going on, helpless. It broke my heart knowing he wasn't going to be with us any longer. Knowing there was nothing I could do to help him. I remember my cousin Lauren was in the room with me. It was just her and I. We both broke down and cried. All we did was cry. We finally had to just say good bye and leave the room. We were both really, really close to him.

I was in the hospital for severe stomach pains. The same hospital he was in. I was in the ER. He was up in his room. I remember my dad coming down to the ER room I was in. He told me that my Uncle had passed away. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have heard in a very, very long time. I think he was the first person I actually cried over who passed away in my family. I usually don't get emotionally when family passes away. I think that's because I was never really close (or to young) to the people who have passed away in our family. Uncle Paul's passing was really hard to handle. I was so upset. My mom was so upset. My Nana had the hardest time with it. I was so sad to see her sad. She was all out of sorts and very depressed. I don't blame her. She had already lost one son, now another.

His wake and funeral was beautiful. I remember my baby cousin Kayla, at the time she was I believe 2, telling every one to "shhhh, uncle's sleeping". It made every single person there cry. She had no clue what was going on. She thought Uncle Paul was "sleeping". When in reality, he passed away. Saying good bye was very hard. I cried almost the whole time. I was close with him. I wish I had spent more time with him when he lived with us. I regret not spending as much time with him as I should've. I think about him all the time. I pray every night and tell him I love and miss him....

I'm getting teary eyed. I need to take a break from righting.

God gained an angel. A perfect angel. He is in a much better place right now. He has no pain, no hurt and he's happy. God wanted him for something. I don't know what that something is, but God wanted him in heaven. I shouldn't be sad about him passing and dwell on how I should've spent more time with him. I should think of all the funny things he use to do, his laugh, his jokes, his smile, his kindness, everything good about him I should be thinking of. I shouldn't be sad because I know one day I will be meeting him again. I will give him a huge hug in heaven.

Uncle Paul. He loved (and still does) music. This was at one of the music gigs my dad and him always went too. He loved to jam out to music and sing. He had such a beautiful voice. I miss him, a lot. Rest easy <3

Beauty School Drop-out.....

is NOT what I'll ever be!


I friken LOVE my school. Cosmetology is the best industry I could go into. I'm so happy with my career choice. The people I go to school with are just like me. I love my little cosmo family. All the girls in my class are like my sisters. They're all coming to my wedding and I'm super excited for that! 
People think that being a cosmetologist is so easy. It's really not. There is so much you need to know in order to pass your classes and be good at what you do. We incorporate math, science, chemistry, language and a few other subjects into our work. I believe it's one of the hardest but fun things I've ever done. I'm super proud of myself and I've never gotten below an 85 on anything I've done (& I've only gotten ONE 85 and that was on a test I never studied for). I'm putting my heart into this because in order to be successful in this industry you need to love what you do. If your heart isn't into it, then it's not the right place for you. I love making people look good and feel beautiful about themselves. I am going to be somebody in this industry, weather it takes 5, 10 or even 20 years of my life to do. I would love, love, love to be a platform artist for Paul Mitchell or be a hairstylist for fashion shows. I'm in love with everything I've done in school & out of school. I will make it and I will make my parents proud. I will own a high end salon one day. I will travel and branch out into other states. I promise you that. I will not stop and no one will stop me. I'm going to make something out of my life. I'm welcoming every single door to open and every single opportunity that comes my way. I'm proud of the work I've done so far. I will not stop my education, ever. I believe that even once you're out there in a salon you can always, and I mean always, open your mind to other techniques and learn much more then you already do. I will be taking advanced classes, often. I know I'll be making mistakes along the way (hell, I already have) but there is always so much room for growing. I'm very excited to see where this road leads me and where I end up in this industry. I love everything I do and this has been a passion of mine since I was a young girl. I'm finally fulfilling my dream (with some tweaks to the goals I had when I was younger) of being a cosmetologist.
I'm also thinking of going to nail tech school and maybe even esthetician school. I do know that I will be going to school for business so I can have the knowledge for owning my own salon and how to run a successful business. I had to change up my goals because I did have a baby at such a young age. I wanted to travel and work for a while, then start a family. But things have changed and that's okay with me. Change is always good. The road I'm traveling will take me somewhere. That somewhere could be anywhere. I know there will be bumps and maybe some forks in the road, but I will over come everything that is in my way (good or bad). I know I will. Life throws you curve balls sometimes and you need to just get threw them. 
I'm very happy where I am in life right now. Nothing and no one will get in my way or stop me from my goals. I want to make my daughter proud & I know I will.


<3